jokes

Twenty of he World's Thinnest Books

20. MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno
19. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver
18. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Dan Marino
17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
16. MY LIFE'S MEMORIES by Ronald Reagan
15. THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
13. MY WILD YEARS by Al Gore
12. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
11. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
10. DETROIT a Travel Guide
9. A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian
8. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
7. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
6. ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen De Generes
5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by the EPA
3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
2. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson

And the world's Number One Thinnest Book ..............

1. MY BOOK OF MORALS - by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Reverend Jesse Jackson

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself.

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for weeks, but nothing turned up. He decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to "God," they opened it and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00; he thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God, which was as follows:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington, D.C. As usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.

Miss Smith is a kindergarten teacher and today is her birthday. As she walked into her classroom one of her students,

Sally, had brought a gift up to her desk. "Guess what it is!" said Sally. Knowing that Sally's father owned a bookstore she guessed, "A Book?"
"How did you know?" asked Sally
Next Dillon brought a gift up to Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Dillon. Knowing that Dillon's parents owned a florist shop, she guessed, "Flowers?" "How did you know ?" asked Dillon
Finally, Joey brought up a gift for Miss Smith. "Guess what it is!" said Joey. Knowing that Joey's father owned a liquor store, and seeing that the bag was wet, she placed her fingers on the liquid and then licked them. "Rum?" guessed Miss Smith. "No" said Joey. She tasted again..."Vodka?" she guessed. "No" said Joey. Once again she wet her fingers and tasted, "I know," said Miss Smith, "It's wine." "No!" said Joey..."it's a puppy."

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves. The lad asked, "What is this, father?" The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls. The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out. The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."